Fuel Running Low
What drives you? I’d always tell people that my strength is in my creativity and in my passion. Lately though, it seems that my passion has run low. I don’t know what has happened to me. Or maybe I do know, and I just don’t want to say it out loud for it just might come true.
For some time now, I have been tasked to take the lead (a.k.a. share in the glory and bask in the blame) in an office project. In moments like these, I get a high in proving my worth to myself and to others. Usually I try to rise to the challenge, no matter what it takes. Keyword being "usually". Lately, I have been bogged down with overlapping deadlines, commitments, playing hide-and-seek with signatories, my bosses and credit card telemarketers. I just can’t seem to cope up with all these anymore. Lately, I find myself constantly seeking God’s help — for Him to pace me, for me to not worry and just trust in Him, but then to not be too complacent as well. It does work. It’s just that sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and ready to give up.
I guess I am just blessed that my superior doesn’t get mad (or maybe he’s just keeping it to himself) that easily; Or that my superior is still willing to give me a chance to rectify my mistakes and pace myself as well. Gee whiz. It can really get tiring sometimes. I guess this is also God’s way of keeping me holding on to Him — that I learn to trust Him completely and lean not on my efforts alone.
So what drives me? God’s grace. That much I am sure of. In this dog eat dog world I find myself so deeply immersed in, the only thing that really drives me is God’s grace.
6:19 PM 7/4/2005
