random musings

It’s all a blur.  What can I say?  It just lasted for two seconds, but man… pure bliss.

It was just yesterday when I said that I was expecting a blessing.  I didn’t get what I was expecting yesterday, nonetheless, I trusted that something great was in store for me.

And there I was.  Twenty or so minutes of a firm resolution, then attacks of indecision and just plain ka-torpehan and then there it came.  2-5 seconds of pure bliss.

A smile is more than enough for me to swoon for weeks… well, at least that’s what I think.  Hahaha.

When I think about it though, have I morphed from being a member of the disenfranchised proletariat (better known as a problematic office girl) into a giddy fan girl?  Haha.  I don’t know.  Maybe I really don’t care about that now.  All I know is that I met him in the flesh.  Well, okay fine.. he just passed by in front of me… and twenty or thirty something more girls, but heck!  He paused a bit, made eye contact (with me!!.. okay fine, and some others as well), SMILED that freaking killer smile, bowed a bit, then carried on.

Geezzz.. I’m having another rush of the shakes as I recall my experience.. hehehe.. ask blued.  I’m sure she’ll tell you the same thing and even more.  Thanks for the pic, by the way.  :0)

Ang gwapo gwapo mo tlalga maaarrrtiin!!!!

whErE THe HeCK dID ThaT ComE FRoM?  (Heeheeeheee)  Deny, deny the sty in my eye.. hehe..

Basta, pramis ang gwapo nya!!!!  Pwede na akong.. huh..huh..huh.. himatayin..

Totally cute.  Sweet guy.  Lee Dong Gun.  Wish I could say MY Lee Dong Gun, but then I still remember that I have the rest of the world to share him with, so I’d keep myself content with those surreal 2-5 seconds of pure bliss.

Thank you, God!!! ;0)  So blessed, I can’t contain it // So much you gotta give it away.

Have you ever been in that situation when you really really really had to wait? That against your better judgment (and practical sense) you were really banking on something? Something wonderful. It need not be spectacular, but you know that when it happens, it’s just pure bliss!

Right now, I’m banking on a miracle. Not so much in the sense that I’m expecting God to move heaven and earth for me to achieve the perfect life (or so I wish to think) that I want, but for Him to just surprise me with His love.

A few days back, I wasn’t expecting anything, but when God gave me a little surprise.. hehehe.. I had to pounce on the opportunity. The experience was beyond any sadness, frustration or weariness I felt over the past days. It was God’s surprising way of showing His love for me that I ended up being ever so ecstatic.

God can never be outdone in His generosity. I really do believe this. God’s manifestation of His love just opened me up to better things. I was just overflowing with happiness that I had to share it with my siblings. My siblings and I have a good relationship.. or so I wish to believe, but in the outpouring of my happiness, I ended up spilling my "good news" to my sisters, thereby strengthening our sisterly bonds. Deeply immersed in our workaday world lives, it has been a long time since I and my sisters were able to have a good conversation like this. Truly, I received a blessing beyond what I had expected.

Right now, I’m waiting for this blessing to repeat itself. Haha.. If I don’t get the answer I hope for tonight, I trust that God will surprise me in a different way; one which will nonetheless touch my inmost being. And if He does.. pure bliss. :0) 6:21 PM 7/20/2005

What drives you? I’d always tell people that my strength is in my creativity and in my passion. Lately though, it seems that my passion has run low. I don’t know what has happened to me. Or maybe I do know, and I just don’t want to say it out loud for it just might come true.

For some time now, I have been tasked to take the lead (a.k.a. share in the glory and bask in the blame) in an office project. In moments like these, I get a high in proving my worth to myself and to others. Usually I try to rise to the challenge, no matter what it takes. Keyword being "usually". Lately, I have been bogged down with overlapping deadlines, commitments, playing hide-and-seek with signatories, my bosses and credit card telemarketers. I just can’t seem to cope up with all these anymore. Lately, I find myself constantly seeking God’s help — for Him to pace me, for me to not worry and just trust in Him, but then to not be too complacent as well. It does work. It’s just that sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and ready to give up.

I guess I am just blessed that my superior doesn’t get mad (or maybe he’s just keeping it to himself) that easily; Or that my superior is still willing to give me a chance to rectify my mistakes and pace myself as well. Gee whiz. It can really get tiring sometimes. I guess this is also God’s way of keeping me holding on to Him — that I learn to trust Him completely and lean not on my efforts alone.

So what drives me? God’s grace. That much I am sure of. In this dog eat dog world I find myself so deeply immersed in, the only thing that really drives me is God’s grace.

6:19 PM 7/4/2005