random musings

I’m not really a blogger, but sometimes I just don’t know whom to talk to and I don’t know how to say it.. so here I am, typing away in this vast void called cyberspace.

I don’t know what’s come over me.  I feel like somehow I’m overreacting  I mean, for a cynic-turned-happy-go-lucky girl, I really shouldn’t be affected much by what has happened.  I know that the only constant thing in life is change, and that you just can’t hold on to anything forever.  Good or bad, we all move on.  We all grow up.  Fast or slow, it just happens.  We all just have to move on.  And that’s the clincher.  I know very well that we all have to move on.  I know very well that we all have to grow up.  I know very well that these things are inveitable.  Why then couldn’t I help but feel alone?  I feel as though I have been left by someone whom I have learned to depend on so much.  It’s just so frustrating because I know that I ought to know better than to wallow in my misery, but then my emotions are getting the better of me right now.

Freak.  I’m losing another friend.  And more than just a friend, I’m losing my big brother.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, she’s definitely not male, the thing is though, she has come to be the big brother I never had.

I had a different big brother before, but that’s a different story altogether.  Like my previous big brother though, they both played significant roles in my life when I was feeling lost and helpless in the office.  Whatever happened to the first big brother?  Well like this big brother, he had to move on.  Now it’s her turn to move on.

I don’t wanna go through the details of how she helped me get through my otherwise sad sad helpless and lost life.  Now that’ll be sappy.  The thng is though.. I’m about to lose someone.. and I just can’t help all these sappy emotions.  Ack!  The un-girl is feeling sappy.  What’s the world coming to??

Hehehe.. :0)

I’m happy for you, my big brother.  I truly am.  I know you deserve this break that you’re getting.  It’s a great opportunity.. it’s not a rare opportunity, but then again, it isn’t something that just comes along your way everyday.  I really wish you the best.  It’s just me being selfish wanting to hold on to you for as long as I could.  I guess I’m losing my security blanket (again).  But don’t you worry, big bully bro.  I will not make you regret having moved on.  (As if I had THAT much influence on you.. hahahah).  All I know is that I’m gonna make you proud. I do beleive that when people are beset with problems they either rise up to the challenge or crumble into dust.  I’ll shine.  By God, I will shine.  The torpe thing is another story though.. haha.

Wishing you all that’s good.   :0)

i got this from watching turn left, turn right (gigi leung, takeshi kaneshiro).. so many times i had to pause the player as i tried to jot down the english translation flashing as subtitles in the screen.  as i type this into my blog, i can’t help but remember my friend who used to keep my hopes up by telling me that our destiny was just around the corner.. that all we had to do was wait for the wonderful surprise fate (or in our more spiritual sense, God) had in store for us.. and to this day, we eagerly await until we become the perfect complements meant for whoever they may be.  :0)

good morning, God!  :0)

both are convinced

that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together

beautiful is such a certainty,

but uncertainty is more beautiful

because they didn’t know each other earlier

they thought nothing was happening between them

what of the streets, stairways and corridors

where they could have passed each other long ago?

i’d like to ask them whether they remember

perhaps ever being face to face in a revolving door

or an ‘excuse me’ in a crowd

or a voice ‘wrong number’ on the receiver

but i know their answer,

no, don’t remember..

they would be greatly surprised

that for a long time

chance had been playing with them

not yet ready to transform into fate for them

it approached them

backed of,

then suppressing a giggle,

jumped to the side.